Have you ever felt drained, unappreciated and anxious after spending time with someone? Have you started to question your own worth because of how they treat you? If so, then it might be possible that you’re in a toxic relationship.

Toxic relationships don’t only include romantic partners, they can exist in friendships, families and work relationships as well. They can keep you stuck in negative thoughts and doubt your abilities. It is thus important to identify and break free from these relations to live a freer and happier life.

What is a toxic relationship?

Toxic relationships are not always noticeable especially to the person who is in the thick of it. These relationships don’t start off as damaging but in fact feel very normal in the beginning. It is only over time that the negative patterns and manipulation of this relationship begin to emerge. Some common signs are:

  1. Constant criticism and belittling – If someone makes you feel small, dismissed, or unworthy, all the time do not dismiss their words as “just jokes.”
  2. Manipulation and guilt-tripping – They tend to twist situations to make you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault. They gaslight you constantly.
  3. Lack of respect for boundaries – If someone constantly pushes your limits, ignores your need for space, and gets angry when you say “no,” it is important to understand that they don’t respect you.
  4. Walking on eggshells – If you’re always afraid of setting them off, the relationship isn’t safe or stable.

Why do people stay in these relationships?

People stay in toxic relationships for many reasons, not realising the harm it causes them. One of the reasons is hoping for change and believing that things will get better if they just wait and give the relationship some more time and effort. Emotional dependence can also play a role, especially if the toxic person has made them feel unworthy of love from others or incapable of standing on their own. Fear of being alone is another reason. It can be overwhelming to be haunted by this fear, making a toxic relationship better than no relationship at all. Some stay due to low self esteem, convinced that they don’t deserve any better and settling for the toxic relationship. Whenever family or financial dependency are involved, breaking away can add an extra layer of difficulty. Recognizing these reasons and these layers is the first step to break away from a toxic relationship and choose healthier ones.

How to move on?

Breaking away is not all that easy as it involves not just physically distancing yourself but also about regaining your mental and emotional space. Here’s how to do that:

  1. Seek support – talk to the people you trust like your friends or family or even a therapist. Getting someone else’s views can help you in seeing the situation from a different perspective.
  2. Set boundaries – make it very clear what you will and won’t tolerate. Even if they try to push this boundary, stand firm. You don’t need to and shouldn’t make excuses for their behaviour.
  3. Create distance – reduce interactions and limit contact. If necessary, cut all ties. Know that your peace of mind is worth it.
  4. Self care – invest some time in yourself and engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy. After breaking away, it is important to reconnect with the person you are outside of that relationship by reading, painting or doing anything that reminds you of yourself.
  5. Don’t feel guilty – you are not selfish for putting your needs first. You deserve to be in a relationship that brings you joy as much as anyone else.

Healing and moving on

After breaking away it may take some time to heal and rebuild self confidence, self worth and the ability to trust again. It is thus important for you to surround yourself with the people who will uplift and support you. Moving forward, set healthy boundaries and form relationships with people who have boundaries of their own to avoid falling in the same toxic pattern again.

A good relationship with anyone should bring you a sense of safety, respect and encouragement. It shouldn’t drain you. Your life is far too short to be stuck with toxic people. Choose people who make you feel supported, valued and above all–happy.